Out of “Ex”-ile: The Stress-Free, Judgment-Free Guide to Getting Back with Your Ex


As evolutionary psychologists will tell you, everyone is a little bit shallow. We prefer our dates to have symmetrical faces, everything-in-all-the-right-places-and-only-the-right-places. Of course, that doesn’t mean that partners choose each other and stay together only based on looks. They stay together based on mutual trust and respect, compatibility, values.

However, all people – including yourself – are subconsciously looking for the best candidate to procreate with and raise a child with. Even if you’re gay or childfree, this principle still holds true, in terms of instinct and subconscious psychological drives. The human brain (and all its little quirks, thoughts, and drives related to your potential partner and yourself) revolves around making offspring. It’s our one directive. We don’t mean to be overly cynical, here, of course. This is a drive like any other, like the need for food or rest, and we don’t lament how “limited” and “shallow” we are due to being shackled by these base urges, right?

So, we simply work and operate within the fact that our brains care far too much about baby-making. And how, by proxy, our brains care too much about beauty, strength, grace…the size of one’s, erm, assets…even if these things have far less bearing on everyday life than they used to. (For example, someone attracted to a man’s musculature is subconsciously looking for someone to protect a family from attackers, but in modern society that’s slightly less of an issue.)

Written by Tracy Lovell

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