Men and women are different in so many ways that it’s no wonder we sometimes have trouble understanding each other – and that’s what I’m trying to help with every time I write something for this fantastic site. Here is your sex re-education
A sexy problem
Well, those differences really come out when it comes to sex. We’re built so differently, and we’re so keen to please each other, that sex can be fraught with all kinds of misunderstandings.
And then there’s the ever-present racy magazines and websites so readily available to us. Without getting into any argument about the rights and wrongs of this kind of material, I can tell you this much: most women who have watched a woman getting off in a suggestive video have thought “yeah, right”, as all that pounding seems to lead her to an incredible climax.
The really scary thing is that some men do think that’s the best way to approach sex – hard and fast. But the truth is that those kinds of videos are aimed squarely at men rather than women because hard and fast is something that usually works for you, but it rarely works for us.
When it comes to men and women, and our bodies and what we like, it’s best to think of us in terms of being your opposites. Your bodies are harder, ours are softer; your party pieces are all out there, while most of ours are on the inside; you respond best to hard and fast action, while we respond best to light and soft.
And no, that’s not even being all romantic about it, it’s science and a big part of your sex re-education. The tiny bit of our organ that’s actually visible has twice the number of nerve endings that yours does – 8,000 to your 4,000. That makes it one very sensitive area, and you can’t go wrong with a light touch, especially in the beginning.
Then there’s the fact that by far the majority of women can’t climax from penetration alone. Forget what web videos and every movie ever has told you, it’s not something that happens to most of us, and we hate when you get disappointed because there’s no need for either of us to feel bad about that. A little education is all that’s missing.
Being a gentleman about it, it’s much better to get her off before you, because we’re hyper aware of the fact that you’re no longer feeling horny by the time you’ve got yours. And it’s very sexy if you’re still hot when you’re paying attention to us, if you know what I mean.
Try going down on her first, no matter how much you just want to have sex right then and there. Like I said before, it might be the hottest and most pleasurable thing you can imagine doing, but the odds are that she’s not going to climax that way, and by the time you’re done she’s going to feel like an afterthought being the only one who’s still horny.
And if you’re thinking she’s not going to be very into sex by the time you’ve finished going down on her, don’t worry, because that’s another way we differ from each other. Women can keep getting pleasure from sex over and over, we’re not limited to the once as you are. And arguably it’s better after climax, because she’ll be more sensitive, so you’ll both have a better time if you remember the rule of ladies first. And that guys is sex re-education 101
Don’t dive straight in…
And just so we’re clear, the obvious parts aside, don’t overlook the entire rest of the body. You’d be forgiven for thinking that the sooner you get started down there, the better, but in actual fact the longer you can hold off and the more you can pay attention to the rest of her body, the better the pay-off will be.
Stepping back even more, don’t underestimate how sexy it is to delay sex. My girlfriends and I often joke that there are men who are so sexy with their clothes on that we find them so much sexier than half-naked male models.
From famous actors to people in the street, there’s something glorious about a little mystique. If you’ve ever read a romance novel (and I’d recommend it, just once) you’ll find it full of lingering looks, ‘accidental’ touches and slow build-ups that get women buying one Mills and Boon title every second all over the world.
That’s good news for you, because it means that all you really need is a little confidence to slowly ramp up the intensity, and the willpower to delay things a little bit, and all that anticipation can be hotter than the raunchiest action.
We love the romance of the encounter as much as the deed itself, and sometimes the best sex we ever have is no sex at all – at least for a little while in the beginning. Keep that bit going for as long as you can, because the better the build-up, the greater the sex.