So. You and your ex have been over for a while, and you’ve availed yourself of all the typical resources: Internet articles and ads telling you how to win them back (in ten days!), blogs from the broken-hearted, and even advice to “hit the gym” and get past it.
Get past it? That’s kind of a loaded thing to say, isn’t it? It assumes that there’s no possibility of rekindling the relationship and that doing anything other than cutting contact completely is somehow unhealthy for the both of you. We live in a culture insistent on fresh starts and clean slates. It’s all about chasing down the dream, the next big thing as if we can only move forward and something lost can never be recovered.
Getting your ex back, then (as cliché as it might sound) starts with you and your rejection of this cultural mentality. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get your ex back – if you had something great, it’s only natural to want to return to it. However, if you’re currently desperate with desire, or if the breakup has made you destructive and negative, you are not in a good place to re-negotiate things with your ex. The last thing you want to do is reach out to them when you are despairing and angry. They’ll simply return the feeling, or they’ll become afraid of you and box you out even more.