The problem with PUAs
The problem with pick-up is the way that it takes this simple truth – that women get something out of the exchange too – and turns it into the idea that the man is somehow ‘tricking’ the woman. Pick-up can sometimes teach a man to think that any success he has with a woman is a way of him somehow winning a game between the two of them, thus making her the loser.
Not only is this theory wildly inaccurate, but it can also lead to men developing some very damaging views of women, a lack of respect for them, and a dissatisfaction with any relationship that results from it. After all, how much are you going to respect your girlfriend or yourself if you think you tricked her into being with you?
Men should feel like they’re bringing their best, most fun and most confident self to the interaction, and not that they’re covering up their real selves in order to trick a woman into sleeping with them once.
After all, if a man disappears after sleeping with a woman once, and feels like he successfully tricked her into it, isn’t he really saying that he’s not good enough in real life to keep up the pretense? If you ask me, he’s the loser in that situation, and deep down he knows it, no matter how many high fives he gets later.
Another big problem is pick-up done badly. It’s an art, and not a science. It’s about getting into a good rhythm with someone, picking up on how they respond, and doing a sort of social dance with them that leads you both closer and closer.
What will not work is taking a list of things you’re supposed to do and checking them off one by one, expecting them to work out for you like a formula, and getting frustrated when they don’t.
Women are humans, not machines, and the exact same moves and lines that work for one guy can fail spectacularly for another, if there’s no warmth or genuine interest behind them. This is when PUA turns ugly, and a woman can feel harassed rather than intrigued.