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Don’t Do CrossFit, Bro!

Fast or Good: You Can’t Have Both

The number one problem with CrossFit is that the whole thing is about speed instead of form. Doing dead lifts? Why not crank out 35 in under a minute? Fuck your back!

Got a set of kettlebells? Swing ’em over your head 90 times in a row while a trance beat blasts in your face. To hell with your neck!

Maybe you’re laughing, but those examples aren’t far from the truth. CrossFit is all about speed and going for the gusto, not doing the movements properly.

In fact, most people report that they get less than five minutes of instruction when they’re learning an exercise. Yeah, that’s definitely enough time to learn proper form for Olympic lifts with huge amounts of weight.

You’re totally not going to tear anything!

People Will Think You’re Stupid

That heading might sound harsh, but it’s the truth. If you walk around telling people that you do CrossFit, anybody who knows better is going to think you’re a damn idiot. If you happen to work with or know any smart people, you’re signing in for gasps, eye-rolls and serious laughter immediately following your first session.

If you don’t mind people mocking you and you just can’t stand being healthy for another fucking day, CrossFit is for sure the way to go.

Your Trainer Will Also Be Stupid

If you do CrossFit, people will tell you that it’s stupid, and by extension, that you’re an idiot. What could be worse than that? A trainer that’s a damn fool too.

Seriously, when you sign up for CrossFit, you’ll be getting a leader that’s proud of his self-inflicted injuries, including the ones he probably got trying to do 30 Olympic lifts in 15 seconds.

Welcome to CrossFit!

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