And the process of getting yourself to a place emotionally where you can communicate effectively with your ex may take a bit of time. You may worry that your ex may use that time to find someone else or otherwise distance themselves, but you need to get in touch with these key components:
A) Why do I want him/her back? Can I evaluate my reasons rationally?
B) How can I heal myself, while still not buying into the “get past it” mentality?
C) When I reach out to my ex, will I be able to consider his/her needs?
And finally, to consider before the two of you get back together:
D) What can we do, and what have we changed, to prevent this exact same scenario from happening again?
These considerations are important, but it is even more important to be emotionally stable and secure before reaching out to your ex again and to have made a change. This may be vague, but it’s a mantra you need to repeat to yourself. Making a change is distinct from society’s “Ever forward!” mentality that would encourage you to move on from your ex, in that relationships always end for a reason. You need to rectify the reasons behind the breakup before trying to get back with your ex.
This makes it sound like the onus is on you, and none of the responsibility is with your ex. Of course, both parties must take some responsibility for a breakup. However, you can obviously only control yourself, not your ex. Making a change has to be on you.