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Don’t Be a White Knight–You May Fall Off Your Horse

white knight

You’ve seen the movies read the books. Maybe, you even bought a tee-shirt depicting a muscle-bound hero saving a damsel in distress. It’s no wonder you imagine women want you to rescue them. They are, after all, delicate creatures in need of help. Or are they?

Most women want you to know sometimes they are down. Life’s thrown a curveball, and it hit them right between the eyes. The experience left them dazed and confused. Yet, they just need a short while to catch their breath and they’ll be up and running like troopers again without your help.

Don’t be fooled by their bewilderment

Curveballs that give women that glassy-eyed ‘save me’ look may stem from any number of sources. Perhaps they broke up with their partner. Or their boss is a jerk. Or they might just be digging into their depths to find out who they are and what they want to do with life. In all cases, nonetheless, they aren’t broken so you can’t fix them.

Left to their own devices, it won’t be long before they regain a positive direction. Right before they do this, though, they might struggle to reinvent themselves and be open to support from someone rugged who brings confidence to the table. But it won’t last.

Offer to be a white knight for a woman in the transitional stage between angst and empowerment, and you won’t stay seated on your horse for long, and you’ll drop your charger. You get the picture.

via GIPHY

What’s going on?

Men often mistakenly believe women on the verge of transformation need help because they seem vulnerable (you seem to have an inbuilt white knight). Right before a butterfly breaks out of its cocoon, though, it looks defenseless. Note it doesn’t fall apart despite its unguarded position. It develops for a while before busting out of its shell to reveal its bright colors.

Just as there’s no need to rescue growing butterflies it’s unnecessary to dash into the fray, scoop up a woman in transition, and save her from her woes. What’s more, doing so could leave you worse for wear.

What happens to white knights?

It’s not that women plan to use you. They appreciate your caring attitude when you surround them with your strong arms, for a moment. But remember, they haven’t fully formed their ideas about what they want yet, and they might imagine it’s you until they get it together and discover they are super-capable and everything’s okay after all.

For a short while, you’ll remain on your trusty stead and enjoy what looks like an elevated position. As the butterfly you so gently captured–a-hem, rescued–grows her wings, however, she’ll want to try them out.

When she takes flight you could take a tumble. She won’t need you anymore. Indeed, your stealthy arms will feel tight around her waist and she’ll want to drop her shackles and fly.

An alternative scenario

Then again, your opinion of her may change as she turns into a creature unlike the one you netted. She won’t require your protection and you’ll wonder what your role is now.

Before, you had a place in her life. Now, if you want to stay with her, she might expect you to change. But perhaps you are fine as you are. And as a white knight, it doesn’t always follow that you’ll lose out and finish last

Tip. The right phase to get to know a woman is when she is cocoon-free and confident. At such a time, she’s whole and happy. Pick someone who already embodies the qualities you admire rather than someone who looks helpless. You’ll have more fun and be happier.

Written by Bridget Webber

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